One of the more awkward years of my life: Eighth Grade.
I fell in with a group of kids, who I suspected of having the same resentment of "the system" as I did. Their in-class antics were mildly amusing, at best. Their knack for getting themselves, and me in trouble was exceptional.
I recall this one occasion...
Nick Spatty was a kid who was on the outskirts of the clique. He lived next to a senior member, and therefore, by right of geography was included. This same senior member, Paul, decided for some reason that Spatty (as he will be known for the remainder of this reminishion) should fight me. Probably because he talked about my mom and to Spatty or course, I talked about his mom. Being uncritical in 8th grade, real reasons apparantly don't matter.
This fight was hyped, and spread through the general populace of the 7th and 8th grade middle school classes of White County Junior High School (WCJHS). People I didn't know were talking to me about the inpending conflict.
As it was my practice, and I taught my fellow cliques, we stormed down the stairs in WCJHS and exited with the force that only a 14 - 15 year only can muster with the assitance of gravity and a three-flight set of stairs. The metal doors would release, fall backwards to their natural opened state, and then the door frame would unhinge momentarily to allow for more opening to occur. These impacts would have registered with the USGS had they only been listening to some place near this old overheated middle school.
But today by sheer chance, poor Spatty's face was to be on the other side. I recall the impact in slow motion. I hit the door, never having given thought to who, or what, may be on the other side. The door swung open, connecting with Spatty's nose. The door forced what blood he had in that side of his face to exit through his nose, and some in his mouth. His largely built body tilted, rolled, and summersaulted backwards. And I unwillingly continued to move forwards by sheer inertia alone.
I took his arm, and escorted him to the office where I was interrigated about the nature of the attack. I told them the truth, that I didn't see him and I walked out the door hitting him in the face with it. He confirmed my story.
The fight never happened. Spatty moved by my freshman year, to I think Australia. Paul moved to Memphis and continued his life of crime.
I found another group of friends.
Itchy_turd - 4/13/2005 04:25:00 PM
Booo!
Actually that was a good story, but with as much trouble as you got in around that age, you should have said that you intentionally threw that door in Spatty's greasy face. I mean, sheesh, that was a once-in-a-lifetime coincidence, and you had to go pansy and say it was just an accident. Say you did it on purpose, and tell Mr. Steele that his rat-fink ass was next.
Then you would have been the alpha-male, and the entire school would fear your kung-fu anarchist's cookbook fury.
You're first action as supreme bad-ass would be to usurp the power from defeated Spatty and Paul (if he tried to say something tell him Spatty's only saving grace was the grease deflected the inertia of the steel door, he would have a much more gruesome fate if he opposed you) and instate yourself as the head of the delinquent clan, and of course have Stubbs as your toadie. Every ruthless leader needs a comedy sidekick with low self-esteem.
Tsk, tsk. You were destined for greatness.
Itchy_turd - 4/13/2005 04:28:00 PM
Didn't someone spit in Spatty's hair once?
Chuck - 4/13/2005 11:43:00 PM
A lot of people got their hair spit in that year. Stoney Roberts enjoyed a super-massive Paul lugie that ended up being grounds for an angry-red-headed-ass-whoping for Paul, as I fondly recall.
As for Spatty, the urine in his bike bottle was probably the worst intentional act against him. He made this discovery on his afternoon bike trek across town.
I had nothing to do with this prank. While someone unknowingly drinking my pee may be humorous, it was certainly too far for someone who did nothing to deserve it. I'm really unsure of what one would do to be deserving of such a fate.
Itchy_turd - 4/14/2005 09:48:00 AM
Yeah, 'ole Spatty is a person it's hard to not have sympathy for, like Stubbs yet Stubbs was capable of being cool.
It's likely that Spatty's only problem was a crappy upbringing; had he been born in an upper-middle class stabile home, he probably could have been a normal person (or more).
Spatty's tenure in middle school, when compared to any other person I have ever known at any time, was by far the most brutal. Too bad he wasn't the first to go Columbine, the shit he had to endure certainly would make him as entitled as anyone.
Chuck - 4/14/2005 09:19:00 PM
Naw, Spatty was cool. He totally could have strung me up by just claiming that he and I had fought. For that disaster I could have been removed from school for some period of time. He did the honorable thing, as did I.
This begs the question, what is cool?
Itchy_turd - 4/15/2005 08:17:00 AM
"This begs the question, what is cool?"
No. It would have been cool though if you had instead slammed a door in the face of that fag old man janitor that would stand next to the dishwashing lunch lady on chuckwagon sandwich day taking any half-eaten sandwiches and throwing them into a box for his "dog", then smacking your ass. I hope he fucking died of AIDS.
Just thinking of middle school fucking pisses me off. That had to be the fucking worst 2 years of my life.
If I'm not mistaken, didn't you always run down a flight of stairs plowing into the steel doors in an attempt to see if you can break them off their hinges?
Chuck - 4/16/2005 12:16:00 PM
Yes, in hindsight I can now see that Bird is in fact a twisted pederast. Allowing him to continue to work at the school, in spite of his activities being in plain sight for all to see, is a testament to the stupidity of the White County School system.
Deanne - 8/08/2005 11:46:00 PM
Well this made me laugh, i some how stumbled here to read this, i'm actually married to the person you refer to as Spatty. What a very small world :)
check out the webpage link its a pic, its about 18 months old now, but you'll get the idea ;)
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